Assertive Communication – 6 Suggestions For Efficient Use


What IS assertive communication?

Assertive communication is the power to precise optimistic and damaging concepts and emotions in an open, trustworthy and direct means. It recognises our rights while nonetheless respecting the rights of others. It permits us to take accountability for ourselves and our actions with out judging or blaming different folks. And it permits us to constructively confront and discover a mutually satisfying answer the place battle exists.

So why use assertive communication?

All of us use assertive behaviour at occasions… very often after we really feel susceptible or not sure of ourselves we might resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour.

But being skilled in assertive communication really will increase the suitable use of this kind of behaviour. It permits us to swap previous behaviour patterns for a extra optimistic way of living. I’ve discovered that altering my response to others (be they work colleagues, purchasers and even my family) could be thrilling and stimulating.

The benefits of assertive communication

There are a lot of benefits of assertive communication, most notably these:

  • It helps us be ok with ourselves and others
  • It results in the event of mutual respect with others
  • It will increase our vanity
  • It helps us obtain our objectives
  • It minimises hurting and alienating different folks
  • It reduces nervousness
  • It protects us from being taken benefit of by others
  • It permits us to make choices and free decisions in life
  • It permits us to precise, each verbally and non-verbally, a variety of emotions and ideas, each optimistic and damaging

There are, after all, disadvantages…

Disadvantages of assertive communication

Others might not approve of this fashion of communication, or might not approve of the views you categorical. Additionally, having a wholesome regard for an additional individual’s rights signifies that you will not all the time get what YOU need. You may additionally discover out that you simply have been fallacious a couple of viewpoint that you simply held. However most significantly, as talked about earlier, it entails the danger that others might not perceive and due to this fact not settle for this fashion of communication.

What assertive communication will not be…

Assertive communication is unquestionably NOT a life-style! It is NOT a assure that you’ll get what you need. It is positively NOT an appropriate fashion of communication with everybody, however no less than it is NOT being aggressive.

Nevertheless it IS about alternative

4 behavioural decisions

There are, as I see it, 4 decisions you may make about which fashion of communication you may make use of. These sorts are:

direct aggression: bossy, smug, bulldozing, illiberal, opinionated, and overbearing

oblique aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing

submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic

assertive: direct, trustworthy, accepting, accountable, and spontaneous

Traits of assertive communication

There are six fundamental traits of assertive communication. These are:

  • eye contact: demonstrates curiosity, reveals sincerity
  • physique posture: congruent physique language will enhance the importance of the message
  • gestures: acceptable gestures assist so as to add emphasis
  • voice: a degree, effectively modulated tone is extra convincing and acceptable, and isn’t intimidating
  • timing: use your judgement to maximise receptivity and influence
  • content material: how, the place and if you select to remark might be extra necessary than WHAT you say

The significance of “I” statements

A part of being assertive entails the power to appropriately categorical your wants and emotions. You’ll be able to accomplish this by utilizing “I” statements. These point out possession, don’t attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the impact of behaviour, is direcdt and trustworthy, and contributes to the expansion of your relationship with one another.

Robust “I” statements have three particular components:

  • Behaviour
  • Feeling
  • Tangible impact (consequence to you)

Instance: “I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don’t like having to repeat information.”

Six methods for assertive communication

There are six assertive methods – let us take a look at every of them in flip.

1. Behaviour Rehearsal: which is actually practising the way you wish to look and sound. It’s a very helpful approach if you first wish to use “I” statements, because it helps dissipate any emotion related to an expertise and means that you can precisely establish the behaviour you want to confront.

2. Repeated Assertion (the ‘damaged file’): this system means that you can really feel snug by ignoring manipulative verbal facet traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic whereas sticking to your level. To most successfully use this system use calm repetition, and say what you need and keep centered on the difficulty. You may discover that there is no such thing as a have to rehearse this system, and no have to ‘hype your self up’ to take care of others.


“I would like to show you some of our products”

“No thank you, I’m not interested”

“I really have a great range to offer you”

“That may be true, but I’m not interested at the moment”

“Is there someone else here who would be interested?”

“I don’t want any of these products”

“Okay, would you take this brochure and think about it?”

“Yes, I will take a brochure”

“Thank you”

“You’re welcome”

three. Fogging: this system means that you can obtain criticism comfortably, with out getting anxious or defensive, and with out rewarding manipulative criticism. To do that you must acknowledge the criticism, agree that there could also be some reality to what they are saying, however stay the decide of your alternative of motion. An instance of this might be, “I agree that there are in all probability occasions after I do not provide you with solutions to your questions.

four. Adverse enquiry: this system seeks out criticism about your self in shut relationships by prompting the expression of trustworthy, damaging emotions to enhance communication. To make use of if successfully you must hear for vital feedback, make clear your understanding of these criticisms, use the knowledge if will probably be useful or ignore the knowledge whether it is manipulative. An instance of this system could be, “So that you suppose/consider that I’m not ?”

5. Adverse assertion: this system helps you to look extra comfortably at negatives in your personal behaviour or character with out feeling defensive or anxious, this additionally reduces your critics’ hostility. You need to settle for your errors or faults, however not apologise. As a substitute, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your damaging qualities. An instance could be, “Sure, you are proper. I do not all the time hear intently to what you need to say.”

6. Workable compromise: if you really feel that your self-respect will not be in query, take into account a workable compromise with the opposite individual. You’ll be able to all the time cut price in your materials objectives until the compromise impacts your private emotions of self-respect. Nonetheless, if the top aim entails a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An instance of this system could be, “I perceive that you’ve got a necessity to speak and I want to complete what I am doing. So what about assembly in half an hour?”


Assertiveness is a helpful communication device. It is software is contextual and it is not acceptable to be assertive in all conditions. Bear in mind, your sudden use of assertiveness could also be perceived as an act of aggression by others.

There’s additionally no assure of success, even if you use assertive communication types appropriately.

“Nothing on earth can cease the person with the proper psychological angle from attaining their aim; nothing on earth might help the person with the fallacious psychological angle” W.W. Ziege